Puns

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?A. A nervous wreck.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Last week I called someone a watering hole but I meant well.

Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands.

Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.