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We grew up fearing stranger danger, that we should never chat with strangers as the internet is the worst place to meet a stranger. With all sorts of creeps lurking in the shadows, technological advancement has proven internet to be our solace.
When commuting bus or trains, we immerse ourselves in the mesmerizing world of social media when we are bored we burry ou ourselves in the non-stop entertainment if you are feeling lonely find a mate through the internet. As this new interface for communication has been introduced, researchers have been doing their part in finding out the benefits or drawbacks it might have on a person’s quality of life.
Like every good thing online chatting to has some disadvantages to its credit but if you are smart (and you listen to us) you can safely eat the fruit without ever getting expelled from heaven.
A stranger is somebody you don't know or who doesn't fit in an exact place. Parents tell their kids, Don't talk to strangers. That's because outsiders are people they don't know.
Smile at strangers and you just might change a life. ― Steve Maraboli
Discussion defines who we are as a human being. Some discussions can make conflict, while can some can make peace. A discussion is a chance to start a new link or it is a chance to listen to a story which you have never got.
We meet so many outsiders every day; the cab guy, administrator or the grocery man. We are always enclosed by strangers. We can absorb from them but only if we know how to strike chat with strangers.
Imagine this world as a Library and the books as human beings. We can flip sheets of any book by understanding it but what we do is, we are ignoring books by reading the heading only. This world is a magical place. You have to choose whether you want to read the heading or the entire book.
We are taught at a very early age to not talk to a stranger, and then all of a quick we grow up and have to chat with strangers all day long. We take care of them. Work with them. Strangers might even talk to us for a job. We take classes with them, And we make the presentation for strangers in professional meetings. We are even supposed to network with outsiders at networking events. The list goes on and on…
Even though you were not trained this skill at an early age, I want to explain to you how you can bond quickly and successfully with new people.
1. Say the magic word: 'Hi.'
It sounds so clear, but it's the first big obstacle. You have to be eager to put yourself out there to start a discussion.
Say hi, hello or hey with a great smile on your face. Just imagine you are in a workplace and you are enclosed by 15 people. And you need to talk with 1 girl who is sitting right next to you. You are feeling nervous but deep inside your heart is burning but words ain't coming out. In that specific minute just say Hello with a great smile on your face. What worst can occur? she won't chat with you. Well, she ain't speaking with you anyway. The greatest thing you can do is to 'Try'.
2. Detach yourself from the outcome.
When you don't expect any result, you won't be disappointed or upset if someone doesn't respond to you.
There's a change between perceived outcome and what really happens. How many times have you nervous about a worst-case condition only to find out that it turned out much better than you expected?
If I don't expect any result from whatever I'm doing, then I can be in the current moment and adjust suitably.
3. Tolerate rejection.
If they reject you, it isn't about you. It's about where they are at spiritually, so don't take it personally. If they approved the opportunity to attach with you, then they missed out on something great.
4. If you feel the fear, do it anyway
One of the finest ways to combat the fear is to do it frequently. Push through the nervousness and it will start to feel more natural.
The fear may never fully diminish, but if you carry on to battle through it, the force you create will be more powerful than the leftover fear. For example, when I feel frightened of approaching someone, I think back to a soothing moment or a moment that made me laugh. Then, the fear didn't feel so discouraging anymore.
Don't worry if you appear a little problematic or aggressive at first. If your purpose is faithful, you will come across that mode more and more each time you try.
It's just like any other ability where it gets easier with practice. A few of my first discussions with strangers felt frightening and awkward, but they didn't do any damage. It made me learn what I needed to work on.
6. Make it about them
Talk about their interests, thoughts, and concepts. Then reply to what they share.
The best way to keep someone attentive in a conversation is to show concern in their life. Everyone likes to exchange about themselves. Even if you don't know a lot about the exact subject, keep enquiring questions to understand them.
7. Make them laugh
Happiness makes the conversation fun and joyful. People enjoy chatting with others who make them laugh. So get out of your head and don't take anything too seriously—just have fun with it!
8. Try to discover their core passion
If you see their eyes light up when they start talking about something, ask more queries about that.
If you discover a keyword that helps you figure out their interest, try to talk about that. For example, if I asked, 'How's the climate?' They say, 'It's nice that it's unclear since. It's better to run in it.' Then you can go ahead and talk about running.
9. Go out and smile!
Smiling gives a decent first impression. Practice in the mirror. Then smile to the world.
I noticed that people calm themselves when I smiled initially. When I continued smiling during the conversation, they smiled back and truly opened themselves up to deeper conversation.
10. Imagine that the other person is already your friend.
This way you'll please them that way instead of seeming uncomfortable—and being comfortable around someone is the best way to start a new relationship.
Take a chance today and talk to somebody new. When you're friendly to someone, they'll most often be friendly back.
Those who have never undergone from shyness have no idea how unbearable it can be, especially for someone in a professional situation. If shyness is holding you back, learn how to get past it and become more confident.
I once showed up to a party alone, before any of my friends here. Instead of socializing, I hid in the bathroom to kill time and avoid talking to outsiders. Embarrassing, but true. For a shy one, social communication can be a stomach-churning, anxiety-filled experience. It was for me. But with some effort, I was able to become happy with talking to people.
Growing up, I was a nervous, hide-behind-mom sort of kid. I learned to chat more as I grew older, but at my core, I was still that shy kid—and the fear of chatting to new people lasted well into maturity.
My friends and family maybe wouldn't describe me as shy. But for me, being shy has always been about struggling to attach with people I don't know. I fear the newness of a stranger—how they might judge or reject me. Maybe there's not anything inherently incorrect with being shy, but when I started observing how it affected my normal life, I wanted to get it under control.
It wasn't an only, informative knowledge that woke me up and made me choose to shed my nervousness for good. It's been a slow process. The more problems it reasons, the more I learn to get over it.
For example: at one of my earliest jobs, I ran into a small accounting problem for the company. The numbers on our customer list didn't add up. Rather than bring it to my boss's attention and inquire what I should do, I decided to contract with it and figure it out myself. I wasn't frightened of the work or of making blunders—I was scared of him (which was particularly crazy because he was a great, relaxed boss). But I was nervous, so I said nothing, and the small accounting problem turned into a big problem that took days to repair. Had I spoken up to start with, I might've been a little uncomfortable. But after things turned out of control, I was ashamed.
At another job, I spoke to no one. I sat at my counter, did my work, and wanted people would just leave me alone. And they did, for the most part, except when one outgoing colleague accused me of being a little snobby. Of course, this came as a surprise to me—I didn't think I was superior to other people, I was scared by them! I asked what made her think that, and she said, “you never talk to us.” At this stage, my shyness was giving my coworkers the wrong idea about me. I didn't like that.
Even now, my shyness side sometimes creeps up and causes havoc. Sometimes, I freeze up when someone asks me questions. I force myself to tell, but I'm so scared that I sometimes blurt out stupid responses. I go to parties, and I absolutely fear to talk to new people, because I'm unsure of how to continue a discussion. The good update is: by practicing a few skills, these freeze-ups occur less and less. Here are a few realizations and tips that helped most.
I'm quiet at heart, but that doesn't mean I have to be nervous. The two are quite dissimilar and realizing that nervousness is a habit that can be broken was a big earliest step in understanding that I can develop social abilities. I might not be the life of the gathering, but with a little struggle, I can initiate and keep conversations and learn to speak up for myself. I used to have a bad routine of cracking my knuckles. That wasn't who I was; it was something I did. If I could break that habit, surely I could break my shyness.
Shy people often overthink their actions and responses. I'd end up obsessively considering over the whole thing I said or did, wondering what others think of me. Did I say something stupid? Did I say something that might seem aggressive? I still do this. After I've hung out with new friends, I'll often think about every small thing I said after the communication.
If I said something even slightly awkward, or something that could be taken the incorrect way, I kick myself. I used to do this continually, and it made me fear social interaction even more. But a close friend said something to me that fixed: “I don't mean to sound impolite, but you don't realize how little people maybe think about you.” It made me feel like a narcissistic jackass. But really, it is a tiny self-centered to think people are always considering my every word and actions. The truth is, they possibly don't care. This was a great release.
After all, when somebody says something awkward to me, I don't spit them for it. I figure I misunderstood them or maybe they didn't quite nasty it the way they said it. Or I laugh it off. We all say senseless things occasionally, and most people understand that. You should surely think before opening your mouth, but overthinking after the detail can drive you nuts.
Overall, I learned that I might be uncomfortable, but no one is thinking about my discomfort as much as I am. Gripping over it only makes that feeling worse.
With a little rehearsal, I've gotten over my shyness, but not completely. There are still a lot of times I recoil from the expectation of communication. I've accepted that I'll probably always be a little nervous about some things. But then again, maybe we all are. And that's okay. It's a slow process. Like most habits, it doesn't go away instantly.
While I'm still learning how to deal with it, these skills and understandings have made it much easier to come out of my case, however relaxed it may be in there.
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